aprettygoodstart:

Going to an apartment party with 100+ people tonight. I don’t know most of them. My new shirt will help keep the ladies at bay.

Fact: This might in fact draw some ladies in. Just saying.

fritopie:

GPOY a few years ago in need of a haircut edition W

delgrosso:

GPOYW - “Look at that fucking bookster” edition.

I don’t need to say anything else. ps. you know you want to make book babies with him. I don’t know what book babies are either. Shut up.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: My ultimate threesome is Dwight Schrute as Jim Halpert and Jim Halpert as Dwight Schrute. Mmm.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar GETINSIDEMENOW.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: Sunday Brunch. The end.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: Today’s Girlboner comes from a suggestion from Allison who was quite unhappy that we hadn’t hadn’t done a Girlboner feature on Mr. Andy Samberg. I realized that this was a travesty but I knew I couldn’t do a feature on JUST Andy. Where would Andy be without Kiv and Jorm there with him? Exactly. So today’s Girlboner is on The Lonely Island, known on their criminal records as Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer.

These three dudes instantly won me over thanks to their lyrics about dicks and jizz and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s butter pecan thighs. They are on my level. I write songs about jizz all the time! You should hear my best friend’s voicemail inbox! Back to the matter at hand, sorry. Digital shorts and discovery of Awesometown and Hot Rod and The ‘Bu just made me realize that I should not only be pals with these dudes but I should know them biblically, if you know what I mean. Plus, they wear hoodies. We could share hoodies. Just saying.

They are perfect. The boys are my *NSYNC for my twenty-something years. Yes, they make me squeal. Like a boy band, they have something for everyone. Andy’s the prankster, Jorma’s the out there one (the Chris Kirkpatrick, if you will), and Akiva is the smart, sensitive one. You know, Lance but not gay.

In conclusion, I will refer to a lyric from Iran So Far to make my intentions clear:

You can deny the Holocaust all you want but you can’t deny that there’s something between us.

That’s right. Beer’s on me, boys.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: I can’t promise I won’t have a dalliance with Herman Blume because come on, he’s sexy, but I can promise you that my heart will always belong to you, Max Fischer. I can do more for you than Ms. Cross or Margaret Yang, I can be a true equal. I’ll have you know I was involved in countless extracurricular activities in high school and I won Best Delegation at every Model UN conference I attended. Yeah, even in the African Union. You’ll never find a better Botswana. So pick me, Max. I have no dead husbands to be hung up on so I can devote all (when Herman Blume’s not around) my attention to you. I can be another one of your extracurricular activities if you know what I mean.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: Jack Donaghy. Don’t worry, I know that I have to pronounce the g in that. How’s it going? I see it’s after six so you have your tux on, you non-farmer. Listen. I know that you get engaged a lot so I figured I would nominate myself as your next candidate. I don’t have that hollow bone disease, I don’t have a grandma who will think you’re the Generalissimo, and I’ve been eating lots of Sabor de Soledad cheese puffs so my hair is very shiny. I do sometimes wear bicurious shoes but I’m willing to compromise on wearing other footwear. I just want to be your Six Sigma, Jack, so please, make a girl’s day.

GIRLBONER OF THE DAY: Ron Weasley, you stud. You dominate one Quidditch match and suddenly you’re a rock star. I knew I should have gotten in there earlier. I know that you have your pick of ladies now but I just wanted to say that I’ve loved your gingery goodness from the start. I mean, maybe you like slightly older ladies, I’m just saying.